Sunday, November 16, 2008

Bihari Sandwich

The state of Bihar, bordered by two other ancient centers of religion, namely Uttar Pradesh in the west and Nepal in the north, was once a land of culture, learning and prosperity. In contemporary India, it has grown infamous for its crippled human and economic situation, resulting in wide-spread crime and corruption. Regrettably the following joke is politically incorrect.

While in Bodh Gaya, we stopped at a small café-restaurant for a snack — two cheese tomato sandwiches and a bottle of coke. It took a fair half an hour for the sandwiches to come around. Waiting for the meal, we went all philosophical and finally solved the grand riddle:

How many Biharis does it take to make a sandwich, and why does it take so long?

First Bihari takes the order.
Second Bihari checks the order against available ingredients.
Third Bihari goes to steal some toast.
Fourth Bihari goes to steal some tomatos.
Fifth Bihari goes to steal some cheese.
Sixth Bihari goes to steal some butter.
Seventh Bihari makes the sandwich.
Eighth Bihari steals the ready sandwich.
Ninth Bihari apprehends the sandwich thief.
Tenth Bihari begins to beat him up.
Eighth Bihari threatens to call the police.
Sixth and seventh Bihari laugh like never before.
Eighth Bihari bribes tenth Bihari to stop the beating.
Ninth Bihari insists on receiving a commission.
Eleventh Bihari recovers the sandwich and brings it to the counter.
Twelfth Bihari picks it up and serves it to your table.

The entire process takes twelve Biharis and thirty something minutes. The amount and value of ingredients may extend delivery time, as expensive ingredients may attract theft already in the production phase, and therefore lost ingredients need to sometimes be re-stolen before the meal can be completed.

17 comments:

me said...

Let me guess? You got ripped off in Bihar? How much did they get?

Ananda said...

No I didn't, as a matter of fact, but I saw the abundance of possibilities.

Yogi 7Up said...

You drink Coke? Man, that stuff will eat your insides out. The phosphoric acid will dissolve nails. Why don't you do like Prabhupada did and drink 7Up or lemon-lime soda. In India they called 'em Limca. Coke? Man you are really fallen into the quagmire of illusion. Real yogis drink 7Up. Get will the program grasshooper. 7Up is the choice of the true Mahatmas.

Ananda said...

Orange juice has phosphoric acid. Heavens.

Coke dissolving nails is another one of these urban myths, stuff people read and believe because the warning e-mail you got just has got to be true. Sometimes it's teeth, sometimes nails, and sometimes your brother's old Volvo.

Someone out there has been quite the pedant and made extensive research on the effects of soft drinks on nails.

More, in case you're interested.

Ananda said...

More from Snopes. Some actual facts and figures.

-+-+-+-+-

Coca-Cola does contain small amounts of citric acid and phosphoric acid; however, all the insinuations about the dangers these acids might pose to people who drink Coca-Cola ignore a simple concept familiar to any first-year chemistry student: concentration. Coca-Cola contains less citric acid than does orange juice, and the concentration of phosphoric acid in Coke is far too small (a mere 11 to 13 grams per gallon of syrup, or about 0.20 to 0.30 per cent of the total formula) to dissolve a steak, a tooth, or a nail overnight. (Much of the item will dissolve eventually, but after a day or two you'll still have most of the tooth, a whole nail, and one very soggy T-bone.)

Besides, the gastric acid in your stomach is much stronger than any of the acids in Coca-Cola, so the Coca-Cola is harmless.

You know who said...

Well, no matter what you say about your beloved Coke, it is made with refined white sugar and high fructose corn syrup. Both of these sweeteners are nasty, toxic and TOTALLY unhealthy. Have you heard the latest news about high fructose corn syrup? It is made from genetically altered corn and chemically altered with bacterium. It is being banned all over the place in the educated western world. The stuff is just poison. There is no other way to describe it. You can't be a "new-age","trendy" spiritualist and drink coke. If you can't be a Hare Krishna at least you should try to be savvy enough to keep up with modern trends of the progressive health movement. Coke is for pin-heads living in the stone-age of enlightenment. You need to get out of India. Do your homework on high fructose corn syrup.

Ananda said...

Well, no matter what you say about your beloved Coke, it is made with refined white sugar and high fructose corn syrup.

Diet coke isn't made with refined white sugar, mate. And now you can give me a lecture about the fatality of the sweeteners.


Both of these sweeteners are nasty, toxic and TOTALLY unhealthy.

Everything you can ingest has a toxic index. Hell, for all I know, the water I drank for years in India was probably much more dangerous than Coke. Coke isn't particularly my beloved, it's just a drink I happen to drink on occasion. Like today, for the occasion of giving you an answer. Feel honored.


Have you heard the latest news about high fructose corn syrup? It is made from genetically altered corn and chemically altered with bacterium.

I haven't heard the latest news about many things. I'm not a believer in the health religion. I've seen people obsess enough over their diets and every fricken nitty gritty ingredient to know it isn't my piece of cream cake.

Bacterium? Yikes, you mean the ones that bite?

I don't think we have genetically altered Coke here in Europe. The bottles usually have only one mouth and are quite devoid of malformations. And it doesn't say that on the label, something we Euros have the right to have on the product packaging or else.


You can't be a "new-age","trendy" spiritualist and drink coke.

How'bout you pack them new-age trendy spiritualists into a can of Coke and send them somewhere off my horizon?


If you can't be a Hare Krishna at least you should try to be savvy enough to keep up with modern trends of the progressive health movement.

Hare Krishna is, in your view, a step up from the progressive health movement? I suppose it takes the level of fanaticism one notch higher.


Coke is for pin-heads living in the stone-age of enlightenment. You need to get out of India.

Mnot in India, Mister.


Do your homework on high fructose corn syrup.

Okey dokey.

Butt wiper said...

Ananda said:
"Mnot in India, Mister".

[end quote]

Are you still wearing Hindu robes and blaspheming Vaishnavism?

What about the shit?
Are you still squatting on the toilet and wiping your ass with your hand?

Here in the civilized western world we use water wet toilet tissue made from the bodies of impersonalists who became trees. I love wiping my ass with the body of impersonalists. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Ananda said...

Currently sporting 75 rupees Paharganj outdoor trousers and an old Nike hoodie. Shit is still good — better than in India.

Glad to hear your wiping efforts are going on good. Always remember and never forget: Use both hands or become a median wrist neuropath.

For SPoG doesn't favor median wrist neuropaths.

"I am the healthy median nerve in men." (Bhagavad-gita 10.36b)

And also:

"Thy trollings shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man." (Isaiah 47:3a)

Ananda said...

By the way, I am so glad for these comments. Just that little bit of extra humor you need for a perfect evening comes when we sit down and read your latest blog comment and my smart-ass reply. It really makes our days beam with smile. Thanks mate! Be there for us!

Yeah it's me..... said...

Well, I am definitely about funnin', jokin' and teasin'. I never take myself seriously and if anyone else does then they are just full of themselves. I definitely ain't nobody to be preachin' or condescending upon anyone. I just like to yank your chain and see how you react. As far as your spiritual life, it is really none of my business, but I still like to dog you anyway just for the hell of it.

best wishes,
you know who

Ananda said...

This one was also pretty good.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16785_7-retarded-food-myths-internet-thinks-are-true.html

Nir said...

Sure, me too. I always trust information from persons unknown who are out to get hits on their web site and sell advertising space.
Always believe everything you read on the internet and you will be safe.

Nir said...

So, let me get this straight Ananda. You don't want to be a gopi manjari anymore in Golok? Didn't you ever experience the bliss of Hari nama and taste the rasamrita?
You never experienced the saffron mercy particles of Krishna's lotus feet?
Chanting Hare Krishna is so uplifting and blissfull. How could you ever give up the Holy Name?

Anonymous said...

Anyone who drinks anything else than lassi is in deep maya. Period.

Best wishes,

Bodhgaya's Lassi corner

Ananda said...

The dude from Gautam Lassi Corner? Man, you had only juices and soft drinks for sale when I wanted a lassi!

Anonymous said...

Well prabhuji, I did send one man to steal some youghurt and one to steal some juice for your lassi.

But in time when they got back with the guy who got (stole) some lassi mugs, you had fled from the scene, you no-good-lassi-blaspheming rascal !

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