Monday, February 2, 2009

The Eternal Loveboat Heaven

The History and Theology of the Eternal Loveboat Heaven
Publ. Church of Titanic, White Star City, April 15th 2912
For the millennium memorial year of The Great Sinking

The Great Sinking, leading to Jack's sacrifice of love and the opening of the Eternal Play.

The Eternal Loveboat Heaven was originally exposed to the broader public in the 1997 movie Titanic, directed by the great James Cameron; blessed be his soul. The narrative, dubbed "The Greatest Love Story of History" by the learned, has inspired devotees worldwide over the last millennium.

Titanic tells the story of Jack Dawson, the Eternal Lad, a young, handsome artist and adventurer of poor background, and his forbidden love, Rose DeWitt Bukater, the Eternal Lady, of aristocratic background, bound to an arranged marriage with a wealthy man she does not love in the least.

Lady Rose with lead antagonists, Mother and Fiancee, in the Historic Play.

The Historic Play

The story begins with Rose, this charming embodiment of love, asail on the greatest and most magnificent ship of all time towards a destiny she squints, a life of duty and bondage. She would much rather taste the joy and infinite possibilities of life alongside Jack, the most charming of all young lads she had met but mere hours ago, who prefers a life of adventure and excitement, and who during their brief acquaintance saved her life, talking her out of suicide.

As the journey over the infinite waters unfolds, Rose soon finds herself sneaking off for clandestine love journeys across the ship under the prying eyes of her mother and fiancee. They dine together with her family, feigning innocence, they gaze into the horizon, they make love on the back seat of a car the cargo compartment, they flee through the engine room from those who would forbid them, relishing their play of love.

The Evil Iceberg, breaker of ships and hearts, looming in the horizon.

A great tragedy is to come, however — Evil Iceberg would cringe its teeth, seeing lovers united past the sea. The ship, sailing full speed into the Iceberg, has five water-containing compartments breached and flooded, and the unsinkable begins to sink. Jack is framed for arrest by the jealous fiancee for robbery of Heart of the Ocean, the greatest of royal jewels, given to Rose by her wealthy husband-to-be, attempting to purchase his way into her heart.

As the ship begins to sink, Rose forsakes her place and family in the life boat, returning to Jack who is locked in the depths of the ship by the Fiancee's evil assistant. Risking her life in a desperate attempt to rescue her love, she fights her way to the depths of the flooding ship and back. The lovers join once again at the fore of the ship, the place of their first meeting, enrapt in kiss and embrace as inevitable doom looms in the horizon, Titanic now torn in two and sinking fast.

Artist's recreation of Jack's illustration of beloved Lady Rose wearing The Heart of the Ocean.

Both fallen in ice-cold water, Jack gives his life in a great sacrifice of pristine love, offering Rose a floating piece of ceiling they come across, and a possibility for life. Frozen and dead in water, Jack sinks to the depth of the oceans as Rose meets her rescue — but at what cost? Is life without Jack worth living for? And yet she had given him her sacred promise to never give up. In her ripe old age of over a hundred years, she still cherishes the memory of Jack in her heart's chamber of secrets, shared with but a chosen few, destined to a long life of painful separation from her eternal beloved.

Whosoever hears or remembers this sacred narration, the Historic Story, the greatest love story of all time, will soon have his heart filled with pristine love for Rose and Jack, his heart-disease of attraction for other narrations cured, and he is to meet Jack and Rose together again in The Eternal Loveboat Heaven.

Rose and Jack united in the Meeting Chamber of the Eternal Loveboat.

The Eternal Play

Its deep meaning unknown to all but the most devoted, the closing segment of the narrative offers us a glimpse into the Eternal Story, a timeless Titanic sailing forever and ever across the deep blue seas, Rose and Jack meeting again and again in their love adventures on the ship. On the eternal Titanic, the Fiancee and the Mother along with their companions are but shadows present not in flesh but as memories and life-like imaginations, so as to invoke the feeling of forbidden love. Especially, there is no Evil Iceberg in the Eternal Story to force the lovers apart.

In truth, none but those given fully into acting as a supportive player in the love drama may enter The Eternal Loveboat Heaven; for it is those, the supporting elements, that enhance and facilitate the union of the Eternal Lad and Lady, worthy of worship for all.

Jack and Rose enrapt in Dance of Bliss at their daily down below meeting.

Since the early years of the third millennium, ardent devotees have contemplated on the Eternal Play to return unto their Lad and Lady at the end of their lives, enrapt in contemplation of their daily deeds according to their own preference. In some, a special fondness awakens for being a member of the crew, while others share the ambition for joining the circle of Miss Molly Brown's attendants, and yet some long to be one of Jack's rowdy pals. There have even been movements in Eastern Europe and parts of the Grand Soviet Federation recruiting passengers into second and third class of the Eternal Loveboat.

Grand-Captain Dicaprius IV of Vatican, one of the leading early theologicians of the Church of Titanic, has established that regardless of individual inclination, all devotees aspiring to sail with our Eternal Lad and Lady shall drink of the same infinite ocean of spirit, for all are united in the service of Jack and Rose's eternal love. Who can fathom the beauty and depth of love, the pinnacle of touching beauty, so aptly embodied in the two? Who but the cruel'est of men could fail to be attracted to their service?

The Unsinkable Molly Brown, wise mother goddess of Eternal Loveboat Heaven.

And there is much service to be done throughout a day in the Eternal Play. The crew members are required when Lad and Lady storm through the engine room, and in particular when intruders need to be distracted from the cargo hall. The chéf and his entourage are instrumental in preparing the daily meals, the orchestra must be present at all but the most secret of trysts, and Miss Molly Brown's retinue is always available to give Rose guidance on matters of love after a lovers' quarrel.

This is how devotees remember the Eternal Play of their Lad and Lady, full of longing for their service on the Eternal Loveboat, sailing to the farther shore of the seven oceans of love. For testimonies on how the cosmic play of Rose and Jack has affected millions, be sure to tune in to The Eternal Loveboat Heaven. Thank you for your attention. Be sure to read the comments, too!


Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! So we join them in loveboat heaven by eternally meditating on our forms as love boat crew.

Now if you will only donate Rs 108 crore to our sangha, our megalomaniac leader will give you your name as part of the love boat crew, your vesha, who you are married to, your service, what your cabin number is, etc.

Now those who are in the INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY FOR LOVEBOAT CONSCIOUSNESS [aka I'M S.E.A.S.I.C.K] meditate on Jack only and Kack's heroic deeds. It is forbidden to meditate on Rose or chant Rose's name in the kirtans.

But if you are attracted to our message of helping Rose to meet for conjugal affairs with Jack, then we know you are one of us.

Here are some of Rose's principal associates:

Dum Dum Devi Dasi - does their laundry and is expert at stealing food from the kitchen at off- hours when the ship's restaurant and room service is closed

In A Gadda Da Vida Devi Dasi - expert ar arranging music for the divine couple, such as sneak into the ship's musicians' storage room and borrowing the ship's oboe, violin, clarinet, glockenspiel, stand-up bass, and French horn.

I Heart Ships Devi Dasi - she sneaks into the control room and sprinkles fairy dust over the night watchman's eyes, so he will not see a huge iceberg looming in the distance

Captain O Captain Devi Dasi - she makes sure that Rose has enough undergarments and petticoats to excite the passions of Jack

Then there are the Priya Narma Sakhis who are expert at massaging and grooming Jack and dressing him, and checking him for venereal diseases, and supplying him with
condoms and whiskey

Mr. Ananda said...

Thank you, thank you for spelling that out. I first thought of writing a parallel theological study, but decided to let the Church of Titanic stand by its own merits.

Anonymous said...


1) Are you sure that Titanic bumped into an iceberg, or was it actually Matsya Avatar?

2) Can some PhD student specializing in boat crashes do research to see if someone simply made up the story of Jack and Rose? Or is it bona fried story? Like I do not remember reading about it in Matsya Purana.

3) Is it possible that someone make up this story simply for Name, Fame, and False Prestige, to create a world savior archetype that the peoples of the world could believe in?

4) Are you sure that Jack and Rose really existed? Because if they did not really exist then OMIGOD I just wasted the past thirty years of my life for nothing!!!!

1) Of course was Matsya Avatar the ship bump into. Are you less intelligent?

2) The story is in the Matsya Pirana, not Purana. Big Difference. Pirana is Timingila Fish that sports in the Amazon River. Matsya and Pirana co-author this story, to cheat the foolish persons of Kali Yuga.

3) Of course someone make up the story! Was BVT who wrote the story, put it into a bottle, then flung the bottle into the Bay of Bengal where it then drifted into the Indian Ocean. Bottle was found many years later washed up onshore in Finland.

4) Look, of course you waste your life! But no sense in crying over spilled laddus.

Vegman said...

If the Titanic had not sunk in the Atlantic, Jack and Rose would have eventually hooked-up, settled down, had some brats, Jack would have become an unfaithful alcoholic and Rose would have become a fat, lazy bitch and it would have ended-up with Jack beatin' the shit out of Rose on the way out the door. Rose would have filed for divorce and lived in in abject poverty the rest of her life cursing the son-of-a-bitch that she fell in love with in that damn boat.

Anonymous said...

Vegman, things would have happened [as you describe] ONLY if the Loveboat docked safely on the coast of Florida. It is fact that according the place there are different outcomes. Devotees know however that only in Finland there can be eternal Ananda. Bad taste forever.

Anonymous said...

Were we already on the Love Boat and got all sensual on the ship after indulging in wanting something for ourselves ? Did we get so hooked up with ourselves and our tanned bodies, that we didn't pay attention on deck and fell in the Ocean of Illicit Activities ?

What sense is there to try and get back aboard if you can fall in again ?

I feel scheisse about this topic and feel like writing crores of books about it and split myself into factions

Anonymous said...

Actually JAck fell into the ocean, continued down, down, down into the land of Bikini Bottom, where he changed his name to Spongebob Squarepants

Mr. Ananda ∴ μ α ω λ said...

It is like this... Said Iam Thatiam Once for All!

╠══════► ∞ ♥ ∞ [ONE-LOVE]
╠═════► ∞ ☯ ∞ — ☺|☻ ═► [Quantum-Bipolar-Bliss]
╠════► ☺☺|☺☻|☻☺|☻☻ ═► [Solar-Lunar-Binary]
╠═══► ☺☺☺|☺☺☻|☺☻☺|☺☻☻ [Solar-Ternary]
╠══► ☻☺☺|☻☺☻|☻☻☺|☻☻☻ ═► [Lunar-Ternary]
╠═ ◄ ≡ ☺ ≡ ☯ ≡ ☻ ≡ ► ═╣ [ Mirror World = Above & Outside ]
╠═══ ∞ ♥ ∞ ☯ ∞ ♥ ∞ ═══╣ ALL-AS-ONE: ONE-LOVE-AXIS!
╠═ ◄ ≡ ☻ ≡ ☯ ≡ ☺ ≡ ► ═╣ [ Mirror Brain = Below & Inside ]
╠══► ☺☻☻|☺☻☺|☺☺☻|☺☺☺ ═► [Solar-Ternary]
╠═══► ☻☻☻|☻☻☺|☻☺☻|☻☺☺ [Lunar-Ternary]
╠════► ☻☻|☻☺|☺☻|☺☺ ═► [Lunar-Solar-Binary]
╠═════► ∞ ☯ ∞ — ☻|☺ ═► [Bipolar-Quantum-Bliss]
╠══════► ∞ ♥ ∞ [ONE-LOVE]

@@@ IN-YOUR-TUBES: Wisdom Matrix ≡ Sahasrara Celestial Lifecycle Harvester

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